“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.”

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
-Groucho Marx

by all means marry. If you get a good wife you'll become happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-Socrates

Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked. 

Men are like parking spots; the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped!

Do married people live longer, or does it just SEEM longer?